Yes it is back, the national activity of drinking all December. It’s almost acceptable to never be sober this whole month, that warm feeling of whiskey filling an already full tummy. The winter is perfect for putting some baileys in coffee before work, instead of being drunk at work, you’re just simply feeling the jolliness of the holidays. Your ears are cold, your face is solid red, and you’re just feeling that eggnog.
Here’s a few tips on how to pull off the ultimate drunk bender for the holidays:
1.) Never be the most drunk person at the party, you can be in the top candidates but hold your own.
2.) Find your spot on the couch before anyone else at holiday parties, you need a sweet butt imprint.
3.) Wear a sweater, simple wear a damn colorful sweater.
4.) Drink at work, yes it’s a smart plan, make the right drink
5.) If you want a beer, even if it’s a light beer, always ask for an IPA. You don’t need to have it, just ask so people know you’re for real.
6.) Skip the low cal drinks, you need some meat, get your carbs up and drink to make yourself look heavy. You’ll be warm so…
7.) Try to break the seal as late as possible. It’s cold, so your little guy (or girl) will get cold, if you wait to take that first pee step then you make sure your package is well adjusted.
Having a drink everyday is perfect for the cold. Be married to the spirit, you come inside after a long day of work just grab a drink and soak up the green and red. Alittle red wine, Alittle this, Alittle that. Fuck a diet, eat awfully and drink everything. Have fun
Merry Christmas almost
The Scripture 